The Friend Shift.

Throughout my life, I’ve been really good at connecting with people. I’ve always had lots of friends in many different circles, and have many a time brought them together to blend their awesomeness.

It’s a blessing, something I was born with as (I believe) my birthright. And I don’t ever feel like it’s a downfall to have too many friends. The only downfall I ever felt was somehow always feeling lonely. That’s a story for another day, and obviously sounds a little confusing given the nature of friendship.

At any rate, once I became a mother…heck, once I became pregnant with your sister…things changed. I radically transformed my friend circle, albeit at a time when the world was stir crazy and no one had seen each other for months on end. It was a bit of ridiculousness, really. But things would have shifted anyway.

When one becomes a mother, this is a necessity.

Ruthless transformation and embodiment in order to keep the family safe, and I was not above it. I dismissed BS left, right, and center. Kicked drama to the curb and ate honesty pills for breakfast. Demanded the same of all my family and friends…those who made it past the final cut, of course.

Now, I didn’t completely relinquish ties with everyone I knew, but they were basically dead to me during the hard years. (Again, ask me about it when you’re ready.) I grew especially close with those I held dear, most of which were new moms or soon-to-be moms with similar values, one of which became so near and dear to me so quickly that she attended your sister’s birth. Well, up until surgery.

This friend also fell pregnant a few weeks after you took up space in my womb, as well, and we shared a beautiful journey together of becoming new moms (a second time, for me). Even throughout the first two years of your life we remained closely tied. We spoke almost every day, mostly deeply and openly about our hardest and most beautiful feelings, baby happenings, and life in general. You could say we were besties.

Now I stand at the precipice of…I don’t know what. She and I haven’t been speaking as we’ve recently been moving through a massive unveiling and shifting in our relationship and even though I can’t speak for what’s going to happen with our friendship, I have to say I never expected to lose her friendship nor a mother-bond like ours.

I’m on the inside now, the Motherside of life, and it never occurred to me that I’d lose someone who I joined forces with on this side of living. Those who came before, sure. But this, this is different.

All I can say now is that you’re not immune to change from every angle. Expect it, but remember to live each kinship to the fullest while you still can. This is life, my dear. Some people are meant to come in for the long haul, the lifers. Others, only a blip. And some will leave a huge impact on your life while only staying a little while. Everyone has a purpose.