Motherhood relaunch.
You won’t remember, but we had a party today for your mom’s 40th birthday! It was pretty darn great. You and your sister were a hit, as usual.
There was a palpable shift in the air today. A beautiful embrace from the heavens that sent me multiple messages about life right now. These sort of days - ones where good people with positive, radiant energy are brought together without expectation or demand, other than to celebrate life - carry a glossy feel to me. Everything shines brighter, my demeanour softens, and hugs and laughter flow like water. I’ve always seemed to have the ability to bring a room full of people together who don’t know each other, but who make immediate friends. Whether my energy resonates at the same frequency within each of them, or my energy draws theirs toward the same frequency, I’m not sure. But it’s the thing that made today one of those days.
Among all the beauty and warmth of today, I saw things more clearly.
Message one was felt with me saying, “I never really thought I would be here, but having a yard full of friends and their kids feels so natural.” Ah, the dichotomy. I feel so young at 40, yet my lifestyle ages me. And you know what, I’m okay with that.
Message two was brought by seeing myself side by side in a photo taken today with my two oldest best friends. It sent me back to my 30th birthday when we celebrated together at a different, yet somewhat similar stage in my life where family and relationships were most important, as they are now.
Message three hit me like a gentle wave. Since you were born, family has become everything. After your sister, I don’t think I let myself fully embody motherhood, though this wouldn’t appear to be true from the outside as she was my life. Once you arrived, though, I stepped fully into the space where moms who mom live. Maybe it’s because having two of you requires more of me, or because of the responsibility I chose before you were born to fully commit to being a “stay at home mom”, but I felt today just how entrenched I am in mom-land. It’s a new and warm feeling, again going back to the comment I made relating to the first message. One that shows me my life ahead of me before it’s happening while making me beam with pride that it wasn’t hard for me to embody once I leaned into it a little.
So many beautiful shifts have come from this place…I’ve released jealousy of women who are following their passions while mothering. I don’t fill my days with calls, meetings, to-do’s, and get togethers. And most importantly, at least to me, I’m finally seeing my purpose with you two. I’m starting to understand what I’m meant to teach you, the path I’m meant to carve for you, and the lessons I’m meant to learn in the process. It’s a glorious place to be.
