Our contractual agreement.

Yesterday was…challenging. Worthwhile, beautiful, and epic, too, but also extremely challenging. I’ve never been engulfed in such great shadow work before, but you’ve taken me there, baby. To the depths and beyond.

With all that’s coming up right now - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - I’ve questioned my own authority, inner knowing, and whether or not I’d find peace through it all. I’m still not quite there, but am much, MUCH closer than once before. For that, I’m eternally grateful to you.

The day started with an outburst of emotion during a preparatory session for your upcoming delivery. I panicked and knowing I was in a safe space to do so, I cried my eyes out from a place of pure frustration and fear - a place I’ve known well this pregnancy. From that, I developed a sense of knowing what I had to do next, how I was to fill my day.

I was fortunate enough to be undisturbed from morning until late afternoon, so after my session I only did what I needed to do to clear my stuck energy and communicate with you to get the answers I needed in order to move back on track toward our goal. I started with eating a warming and filling lunch, quickly followed by a strong urge (fulfilled) to stand face open to the falling snow outside. I couldn’t go back in - it was too beautiful - so I shovelled the driveway, which I love doing , to move some energy. Once that was done, I moved my body in a more familiar way, doing some deep stretching before the next phase.

After moving my body in ways that felt both familiar and good, I got my butt in the car and drove to the place you called me to - Niagara Shores. A very dear friend introduced me to this place while I was pregnant with your sister and I have fallen in love ever since. The water was calling me, so once I got there I immediately tuned into you. On our short two minute walk from the car to the water, I called to you, letting you know I was ready to open up to whatever it was you needed to show me.

By the time I arrived at the water I already knew the epic-ness of our visit. There were great messages you had for me waiting at cliffside. With the great ice blue waves lapping up underneath the extended snowy shoreline, I snapped some photos of the scene before me, feeling its power and glory. The wind lapping at my face made it difficult to focus, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to realize the image you wanted me to see.

The undulation of the waves as they gently pushed beneath the thinning snowcap that thickened toward the shoreline.

The pulsing of the ripples as they confidently and knowingly shifted forward.

The calm within the storm.

The steadied determination of Mother Nature in agreement with herself as she patiently measured the balance of her earthly elements.

You knew I had to show up here to see this message of me, of us, represented by the intensity of the day in material form. There was only ever going to be us in this moment, sharing an awakening and an agreement to move forward with patience, determination, and trust.

Thank you.

I drove home with the utmost of love and adoration for you, gratitude beaming from my every pore. As soon as I entered, I grabbed my things and took you to our birthing space in the basement. We shared a lovely snack in front of the fireplace, followed by meditation, intentional free movement, song, and more communication. I then drew us at birth - a flower opening to unveil your beauty - and closed the ceremony with more praise and adoration.

Thank you, again.

The day closed in a weird place as I was continuing to process what had happened. I explained all to your father and he humbly admitted he wanted to fully understand me, but would never completely be able to. A beautiful sentiment in itself.

The day was for me. Not for another other than you, and I’m okay with that. “Shadow work” is hard and understanding and processing it is even harder. But, man oh man is it worth it.

Thank you for the day. Thank you for your messages. Thank you for being.

I will be patient as we enter the final phase of our time intertwined.